We often jest about mother-in-law or, rather, stereotypes of mothers-in-law. It is true that more often than we would like that stereotype of the annoying mother-in-law is met and so it is best to take it with a sense of humor.
The real role of the mother-in-law within the couple is not exactly meddling, so let’s put each one in the place she occupies.
The place your mother-in-law occupies within the relationship
We can start by clarifying what is not your mother-in-law. Your mother-in-law is not the third person in your relationship, so you have nothing to say about your story. Your mother-in-law is not your enemy, but she does not have to be your friend either. Your mother-in-law is not an obstacle in life or an added partner problem. But beware, your mother-in-law is not your official cook or your nanny.
Without being any of these things, surely your mother-in-law often acts as such. Your home is a nursery for your children, your meals save you throughout the week and you may even order some errands that do not give you time to do. Perhaps with these functions that go beyond the limits of the true role of mother-in-law, she takes other freedoms.
Liberties such as monitoring your life, blocking any Sunday plan because the food in your home is obligatory and, why not, you can also comment, criticize and judge your customs. What would happen if we all returned to our proper place? Surely the relationship with the mother-in-law would stop giving so many chapters. But is your mother-in-law interested? Are you interested in the couple?
In principle yes. In principle everyone would win if the mother-in-law was limited to fulfilling her role, which is none other than the mother of a son who has long since become independent. Occasional help in both directions, that for something is the family. And visits as frequent as your heart indicates.