Many times we think that our past relationships have been a failure and a waste of time with the wrong person.
But behind those feelings of sadness and guilt there is a lot of wisdom. Great lessons are hidden in a breakup.
Instead of trying to understand “Why did it end?” the question should be “What lessons am I supposed to learn from this?”
1.People don’t belong to you
People are not possessions. This means that you have no right to ever demand from anyone how they should live their lives, regardless of how long you have been together.
You cannot control what others do, but you can control how you take it. The best thing you can do is set healthy boundaries, honoring your self-esteem and the other person.
2. We all need our space
Being in love with someone does not mean that you have to spend every hour of your life with that person, merge your personality with theirs and forget about your own dreams and needs.
Finding love means making the most of the moments you have together and respecting the time you spend alone doing the things that make you feel good. It is very painful to lose yourself in the process of loving another.
3. You complete yourself
You don’t need to find your better half because you are already a whole orange. If you are looking for the love you should be giving yourself, you can never be independent and happy. You will always need others to love you to love yourself.
If you are not happy with yourself you will not be happy with anyone. If your self-esteem depends on your partner, the moment you don’t have a partner your self-esteem will be in ruins. You have to cultivate self-love and happiness in yourself first so that you can later share it with others.
4. You can only change yourself, so don’t be fooled into believing you will change your partner
Sure, we can motivate others by example, but forcing someone to change is not giving them the freedom to do so. It is also not a very effective strategy to get what you want.
People change when they feel the internal desire to change. Being pressured to do so may produce temporary improvements, but it will surely lead to future resentment and reproach.
5. Passion is not eternal
Butterflies in the stomach, dressing to impress, talking on the phone for hours … these are all signs of passion. And all these things usually disappear to make way for love.
Love means accepting an imperfect being and loving him as he is. It is being authentic and sharing your flaws with someone without fear of being judged. When you share with someone the best, the worst and the ugliest of you, love grows.
6. Forgiveness you don’t owe him, you owe it to you
The lies you told yourself, the reproaches, the insults. You cannot change what happened, you cannot undo your tears and you cannot make it come back.
So stop feeling hate, stop thinking about the best revenge you can draw and stop torturing yourself by remembering everything over and over again. Forgive him not because they deserve it, but because you deserve some peace.
7. Some relationships just come to teach us how to let go
Letting go with true freedom and love for the other person requires understanding and a lot of self-forgiveness. Some relationships that appear in our lives do not carry the label of “happily ever after”, they come to us simply to teach us to let go.
Being able to let go of your past will allow you to be fully present in your future relationships. Physically and emotionally speaking.
8. You have to recognize what happened to move on
The best advice people can give someone who is going through a breakup is to stay busy and keep your head on other things. The problem is that sometimes we take it too seriously, and we do anything to fill the void that person has left.
But the truth is, we need to cry, listen to our emotions, and give ourselves time for our hearts to heal before we get back on track.
