You leave work, you do the shopping, you prepare dinner, you put a washing machine, you watch the TV program on duty, you tend the washing machine, a little while reading and going to bed.
And no, not exactly to enjoy a night of extreme passion because tomorrow you have to get up early and be smart because at night you have the birthday of one of the members of the closed sect with which you interact also known as your friends.
It will be time to skip the gluten-free diet so you can have two beers and leave home soon because tomorrow you also have to get up early, which is already Friday and it’s a movie and blanket day. Do you recognize yourself Yes, it is a lot like your love life when you pass the thirty barrier.
Do not regret that there is a solution. Relationship experts Ryan Mckee and Ann Worth raise in ‘Women’s Health’ the common mistakes that almost all of us start to make when we reach our thirties and how these, without our realizing it, are destroying our relationship in equal parts couple and social life. Remedy them, it is not so complicated.
1. The money trap
At twenty, our entire circle of friends and acquaintances suffers in economic conditions similar to ours. And we don’t get along that bad.
But generally, as the years go by, so do our job prospects, and we start earning a little more. Without realizing it, we begin to relate to people of our same ‘social class’ and we do activities according to our income.
Or, worst of all, we just hang out with our coworkers, and you know what you’re going to talk about. “This can unintentionally alienate our old friends and alienate our life as a couple,” Mckee alarms.
2. Tiny floors
It was fun living in a room the size of a shoebox when you shared a flat, spending the night awake talking about anything and living with all kinds of garbage like Diogenes, but from the age of 30 we need some privacy. Home, work, friends, partner and even children, but ours.
Without realizing it, we begin to relate to people of our same ‘social class’ and we do activities according to our income
“The problem is that the costs of having your own space are a lot of money, so we have to go and look for a flat in the suburbs of the city, when years ago we would not have thought of living in a place where there was not even one bar all over the block ”, joke the authors. The search for space and comfort is essential so that both parties can make their own lives and have their space. Continuing to live like twenty will only bring you problems of coexistence that can be easily solved with a change of scenery.
3. Being literally the same entity
“Although we are probably to blame for it happening, this is the worst case scenario,” experts say. Doing absolutely everything together, without thinking as individual beings with tastes and tasks different from those of your partner, is the worst enemy of relationships. “Yes, it is comfortable to hang out in an easy chair and watch movies together.
Yes, the conversation flows naturally. ”But, Worth warns,” everything that revolves around that couple makes it become a single unit, thought, or plan. ” It is important to get out of that situation and relive those hobbies and passions that you had before you met: “Being part of a team is not a free pass to become a hermit.”
4. Non-existent conciliation
See you later youth, many think. But the worst thing is to think about the number of hours and days that have been lost studying and working and having been able to take advantage of so many things … We are too tired to propose anything new, and this gradually destroys relationships.
Repenting is never a good option and crushing your partner with the idea that you no longer have time to innovate, change plans, destinations and even work, is counterproductive to having a healthy relationship. The two of you are together on this journey that can basically take you wherever you want.
Relive those hobbies and passions that you had before meeting. Being part of a team is not a free pass to become a hermit.
Take the endless hours, the low wages, and the few options to get promoted as a reminder of the need to reevaluate and rethink the goals of common life. Perhaps finally you do nothing and your routine does not make a radical change, but dreams and illusions also feed the soul, imagination and happiness.
5. Lack of enthusiasm
Before they proposed to you to go on a trip from one day to the next and it seemed like a plan. You did not hesitate to put a little of everything in the suitcase – even go with your clothes on – and you were ready to adapt to any destination.
Whether you were alone or in pairs, during your twenties you had an adventurous spirit that seems to have disappeared with the wisp of smoke from your 30th birthday candles.
6. Routine
As we get older we look for someone who is as similar to us as possible who has a similar schedule, likes the same types of things – including movies, food, books, exercises, colors, music, places to visit … even brands of cleaning products– and join us in our daily routine. We become mature and uncompromising, and we do not like that anyone or anything is upsetting our customs. And that, in general, almost certainly you still do not have children …
We are talking about inflexibility in any change in our lifestyle, which can make us tormented hermits
“At what point have we become such a closed mind?” Asks Mckee, who insists that precisely at 30 we are in a vital moment in which we should share different perspectives with those around us to grow as people and live new histories. “We must not lose youth curiosity and we must constantly seek new points of view to understand and face the new things that happen to us,” recommend the experts.
7. Healthy life
Take it on: your healthy habits are killing your life as a couple. At the age of twenty you did not worry too much about what you ate, drank, smoked, went out .
Suddenly that period of exploration has disappeared and you know that you cannot stand hangovers as well or burn belly fat as fast as before. You cut yourself a lot more in going to dinner or preparing massive and highly caloric meals, the gym day is practically sacred and lactose-free milk is your new talisman.
8. You don’t make new friends
Life as a couple, the lack of free time and the need to pay enough attention to family members and acquaintances on duty, often leads to the circle of friends not expanding.
Even if we meet new people that we really like, we have too much work with ‘the known bad’. Stop living in a bubble, there are hundreds of great beings around you who can not only bring you things on a personal level, as a couple they can become the springboard to start a new stage such as the 40’s.
