The love should not be a source of suffering.
Here are nuggets for lovers caught up in unfaithful love affairs
Suspicion
A very important alarm signal that we should never overlook is the one that is activated when one shows himself to the other as he is, with his deepest scars and his most vulnerable parts, and the other, instead of showing us the maximum care, love and respect, harms us or takes advantage of us to use what hurts us so much to cause us even more pain.
This should be reason enough to leave without looking back. Once is more than enough. Our partner is the one who has to take care of us the most, and we must feel that he is the one who protects us and avoids our pain whenever he can. Never the opposite.
No love
Another alarm is if we feel that we are actually together and we live together because this is how we keep company
If after deciding to go live together, we know each other more deeply and realize that there are things that we do not tolerate, that we do not like or that we even feel a real rejection of, we should ask ourselves if they are aspects that the other has learned or if they are in his way of being, in his essence or in his personality.
It is clear that before each conflict between the two, if we know how to resolve it correctly, we will get a little closer, and that approach will strengthen our bond.
But when this does not happen, when the process of natural adaptation does not flow between us, instead of gradually shaping each other, there is an increasing separation that distances us and weakens us as a couple.
No plans or objectives
The alarms will also go off without the passage of time we see that, in reality, we have no objectives, either on a personal or common level, that we do not look in the same direction.
Although at the beginning we may not have wanted to see it or did not see it, we may now realize that we do not like the same things or that we always expect something different from each other, other behaviors, other attitudes, other reactions, other energy, other desire, another involvement, other levels of effort, other changes, etc.
Loss of passion or interest
Another alarm is if we feel that we are actually together and we live together because that is how we keep ourselves company, as it happens on numerous occasions (mainly after the fifties), and we have already tried everything to generate changes, but the other person does not see Where is the problem, so we are the ones who have to make a decision, we must ask ourselves if that really compensates us.
We can do this by answering the following questions:
- Do I feel peace most of the time when I am at home and the other person is also, when I see him at home, when I think about what he will be doing?
- Am I satisfied when I think about the relationship we have? Honestly, is it going well or would I want it to be different?
- Maybe it’s not what I want, but is it enough for me right now?
- Am I content to be mere roommates, to keep us company?
- If I see that my answer is affirmative to most of the questions, it is because I am already well there. If, on the contrary, I do not see it well or I just did not feel comfortable with the situation we have created, it is because as much as I want to convince myself that I already like it or it is going well, I am not going to get it, and I will feel more and more anxiety and discomfort.
