Finding true love today may be a little easier, but these 36 questions can help you find that special person
The 36 questions were published in a study conducted by the psychologist Arthur Aron called ‘The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Proximity’.
The study tested the theory that it is possible to make two people fall in love by getting them to share intimate thoughts and memories.
The goal was to foster an atmosphere of vulnerability and intimacy with questions such as: “Do you have a feeling about how are you going to die?” Or “How is the relationship between your mother and you?”
Phase 1: the questions
To test his theory, a 52 sets of unknown men and women were used. Two of the participants entered a laboratory through separate doors, before facing each other and answering the series of selected questions.
Phases 2: the intimate moment of looking into each other’s eyes
The last, terrifying element of Aron’s experiment requires that the two participants look each other in the eye, in silence, for four minutes.
Six months after the experiment two of the participants were married.
The questions
1. Being able to choose any person in the world, with whom would you share a dinner?
2. Would you like to be famous? How?
3. Before making a phone call, have you ever rehearsed what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would a “perfect day” be for you?
5. When was the last time you sang for yourself? And in front of another person?
6. If you could live to be 90 years old and maintain your mind or body at the age of 30, during the last 60 years of your life, what would you choose, body or young mind?
7. Do you have a feeling about how are you going to die?
8. Name three things that you think you should have in common with your partner
9. What is the thing in your life, for which you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change something the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. In four minutes: tell your partner the story of your life, with as many details as possible. 4 minutes
12. If you woke up tomorrow with a quality or skill, what would it be?
13. If you had the possibility to know something about your future, about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you like to know?
14. Is there something, (a project, an object, whatever) that you dream to achieve, for a long time? Why have not you done it?
15. What is the greatest achievement of your life?
16. What do you value most about friendship?
17. What is the best memory of your life?
18. What is the most terrible memory you have?
19. If you knew that in a year you’re going to die, suddenly, would you change something in your current life? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. Is love and affection important in your life?
22. What qualities would you like your ideal partner to have? List a total of five.
23. How close and loving are you in your family? Do you feel that your childhood was happier than other people’s?
24. How is the relationship between your mother and you?
25. Count three confidences, that you would not tell anyone else.
26. Complete this sentence: “I would like to have someone to share …”
27. If you are going to become a close friend of your partner, do you think I should know something about you, in particular?
28. Tell your partner what you like about him / her. Be very honest Say things you can not say to someone you just met.
29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life with your partner.
30. When was the last one who shouted in front of another person? And you alone?
31. Tell your partner something about you, about this meeting or your conversation.
32. Is there a topic, that you believe too serious or important, to joke about it?
33. If you were to die tonight without the possibility of being able to tell someone, what would you most regret having never said to anyone? Why have not you done it?
34. Imagine that your house, which contains everything you own, burns down. If after saving your loved ones (pets included), you had time to catch something material, what would it be? and because?
35. Of all the members of your family, which death would impact you the most? Why?
36. Share staff problem and ask your partner for advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect again, about how you should feel about the problem.
Once the questions are answered, the next step is to remain silent and look at each one in the eyes of the other, for 4 minutes …. and let love flow.
