You have been with your boyfriend for some time and you still do not know if you have a relationship or what you are living exactly. Fear of commitment is not exclusive to men, it is also suffered by women and can cause more than a misunderstanding in the relationship.
Since you are very much in love you are already imagining a future with him. With house, with children, with dog and with what it is necessary. Or with none of that, but with him. However, your mind goes through other directions and does not seem to be imagining anything with you. You may not even be thinking about your future because you prefer to live up to date. And so we come to incompatibility.
Because you would love to meet your parents and introduce yourselves. Because you would rather spend weekends with him instead of staying with his friends and finding you during the week when you are more stressed and tired. Because you sense that something is wrong when you talk about a vacation together. And because you want to wake up every morning at his side but he sleeps better alone.
Does your boyfriend fear commitment? The fact is that you notice that he loves you, that there is attraction and that you understand each other well, but he refuses to go one step further in the relationship. Maybe it’s too soon, maybe you’re going too fast or maybe he’s going too slow. Be that as it may, you go to a different pace and you have to fix it. But how?
1. Fear or excuse? The first thing that you have to evaluate is if your boyfriend is really afraid of commitment or is a cheap excuse to continue with his life as a bachelor something that, on the other hand, is respectable. But you have to know the truth. If you do not want to advance in the relationship because you have had bad experiences in love or it is that you like your life without commitment.
2. Life without commitment. He may want it that way, that he likes this situation in which you are a roll and not a formal couple. You may prefer to go in and out without explanation and have a philosophy of life to enjoy the present instead of considering the future. Or you may want to overcome that fear of commitment and ask for help to do so.
3. No pressures. If your boyfriend asks for help, you can try to make him see that living as a couple does not reduce freedom or independence. That you can suffer for love, but it is not absolutely necessary. That not all relationships end up as the rosary of the dawn, some do not even finish. What you can not do at any point is to pressure him to change his attitude. A commitment is made with will or not done.
4. Change to a man. It does not suit you to push or try to change your attitude because you can not and should not change a man. Would you like them to try to change you? If he does not want to hear about coexistence and much less marriage, you have only two options: either accept it or leave.
5. Does it make up for you? It’s time to assess whether your boyfriend’s attitude makes up for you, if you can be happy in a relationship without commitment, if you do not mind not thinking about the future. Because in reality the only movement you can do in this case is to break the relationship. And if it does not make you happy, that’s exactly what you should do.
But remember that, despite the importance of communication as a couple, commitment is demonstrated by acting, not speaking. Your boyfriend may not be able to recognize that he wants something more with you, that he really loves you and that he loves you in his life and yet his acts prove the opposite. Sometimes saying ‘I love you’ is empty in front of a gesture that really comes from the heart.
