Marriage counselling have observed during counseling session with the married couples who have challenges in their marriage that many did not prepare for marriage but only wedding.
This also applies to many singles counseled.
But here are some ways from marriage counselors on how to prepare for marriage
ACQUIRE KNOWLEDGE
Knowledge acquisition is very paramount in preparing for marriage. Some are of the school of thought that experience is the best teacher when it comes to marriage, but I would tell you it’s not because you could possibly learn from others mistakes through knowledge acquisition.
A married man came to me sometimes ago for counseling and I asked him how many books he has read in his five years and above marriage, he said he has not read one?
How can you acquire knowledge?
- Reading relationship and marriage books. I expect you to have read a minimum of 15 books about relationship and marriage before getting married.
- Listening to relationship and marriage messages.
- Attending relationships and marriage seminars and conferences.
- Learning from the married.
Knowledge acquisition is not enough but the application of it in your relationship and marriage – WISDOM.
DEVELOP QUALITY RELATIONSHIPS WITH GOD.
This comes by being genuinely born again (freedom from sin), sanctification of your mind and Holy ghost baptism. This comes through personal study of the Bible, prayer and constant fellowship with the Brethren.
You should know how to hear God clearly. You should have grown up to an extent you don’t need any prophet or Man of God to say this is your partner. You should know how to commune with God.
DISCOVER AND FULFILL GOD’S PURPOSE.
If you have not discovered your purpose on earth, you are not supposed to be in a relationship because you would abuse yourself or your partner. Purpose first before relationship. Ask God to show you the reason he created you. What are the things you Love doing even if you are not paid?
Your calling could be to be an Evangelist, Apostle, Pastor, Prophet or teacher of God’s word. You can manifest any of the above in preaching, singing or drama ministry. You need to discover yourself and start fulfilling purpose when you are single.
CULTIVATE GOOD CHARACTER.
It’s better to stay alone unmarried than to leave with a man or woman of bad character in marriage.
- Good character talks about SELF CONTROL.
- Can you control your SEXUAL URGE as single?
Are you still maintaining VIRGINITY or PURITY TILL MARRIAGE? Do you address people with respect or talk anyhow with no regards for men or women? How often do you get angry? Can you control your anger?
If your mouth still runs like tap water while addressing people, marriage is not for you yet but taming your tongue. If you easily get provoked and destroy things, marriage is not for you yet but taming your anger. Bad character not tamed as single will ruin marriage.
OUTWARD APPEARANCE.
Are you aware that you will be mostly addressed the way you dress? Dressing good and smelling nice is very good and it does not mean you are not spiritual. Oversize skirt is not a measure of spirituality! Flamboyant and express way trousers is not measure of spirituality!
- Colour combination is very important as well.
- What about having a nice Hair cut?
- Let your Hair Do glorify God as a sister…
- Iron your clothes
- Shine your shoes…
- Develop good Spoken English…
- Don’t be like Bro. Akande in the movie “final contest”
- Don’t say “I was here to proposal to you”
BE DOMESTICATED OR HOMELY .
If you don’t love cooking or you can’t cook as a sister, marriage is not the next thing but cooking training. Learn how to serve food properly in the dining as a sister. This doesn’t exempt the brothers from being a good cook as well. You are not marrying a maid but a wife as a Brother.
LIVE WITH THE MARRIED .
You can learn the good part of your parents marriage if they are still together. Staying with the good married people will give you a clue of how a model marriage should be.
√ What about taking care of their kids?
√ What about helping them with house chores?
Celebrate the married! Love children and take care of them.
BE SINGLE .
Singleness means being able to stand on your own without attaching your life to any brother or sister in a relationship.
- You can be single and PURPOSEFUL!
- You can be single and not STUPID!
- You can be single and not CURSED!
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
Endeavor to take financial, spiritual, academical responsibilities when you are single. Stop blaming people for your failure, lack of money and inadequacies.
Lead your life successfully before thinking of leading someone else in marriage.Prov.4.7 – Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
Prov.4.8 – Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honour, when thou dost embrace her. I asked an aspiring couple how they were preparing for marriage and I was told they have have planned all the food, drink and venue for the wedding day
People prepare for school, job, health and other spheres of life but do not prepare for marriage. The saying “Proper Preparation Prevent Poor Performance” also applies to marriage.
A marriage you don’t prepare for, you cannot enjoy. May true Love Find you and you will not make marital error in Jesus name. Amen
