1. Tell someone
You can’t keep this to yourself. If you try it will only increase your stress levels. If you have been bottling it up you are like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. Find a trusted friend or colleague and confide in them. You can request they keep your confidence and have it go no further. If nothing else happens you will feel better for simply having told someone.
2. Be calm
Easier said than done and yet extremely important. We cannot think straight when we are in emotional turmoil. Believe it or not, it actually takes discipline to change from an emotionally excited state to calmness. Turn off the TV. Stop reading newspapers for a while. Cut-down all external stimulus and do whatever is necessary to relax yourself. Put on a tape, take a bath or whatever. Then you can check in with how you want to proceed. Learning how to calm yourself on a regular basis is an important skill to develop.
3. Record everything.
Write down everything you can remember about the incident(s) as clearly as you can, as factually as you can, and as soon as possible after the incident. After time our memories can become foggy. If you do nothing further you simply keep a record. If you do choose to go further you have begun to collect evidence.
4. Be ‘internally referenced’
This means listening to, and trusting, your own gut feeling, your inner guidance. Don’t listen to what everyone else is telling you to do and get caught up in the drama. Remain calm and listen to what the still voice inside is telling you to do. It is always right. This is your internal reference point.
5. Decide on a plan of action.
Taking everything in to account, decide what you want to do and what needs to change. Then step by step move forward. If there is a harassment policy at your workplace you may simply find out what it is. You may decide to speak with the bully. You may decide to speak with your manager. Remain as calm as you can and listen to your inner voice – trust your instincts on this. Always ask yourself: ‘what is best for me in this situation?’
6. Be fully present
Remind yourself of the truth in this moment. Often anxiety is caused by our minds replaying past events and fearing they will repeat. The truth may well be that in this moment you really ARE safe. Reminding yourself of this can reduce anxiety symptoms.
7. Be self-aware
Be aware of yourself in each moment. How are you showing up for work? Notice your thoughts, feelings and language. Bullies don’t bully everyone. They can’t. Notice what it is about you that the workplace bully loves to engage with, and change.
8. Notice you’re self-talk
How do you talk to, and about, yourself? You may have low self-esteem or lack confidence. This is usually as a result of negative self-talk. Often we criticise ourselves incessantly and berate ourselves. If this is you, you need to keep this in check and balance it with a more realistic view of yourself. If you only broadcast to the world what your weaknesses are, you are doing half the bullies’ job for them, and they will join in too. Learn what your strengths are and play to them.
9. Develop a wise voice
Invent a kind, wise voice to talk to you inside your head. Yes, really. Use this wise one to replace the ‘inner bully’ that shows up through your negative self-talk. Every time you hear yourself criticising or judging yourself stop and ask ‘Is this true? What would my wise voice say?’
10. Protect yourself
Do whatever feels best in the moment. Shout at the bully, walk away, whatever. It is better to do something than nothing. Being polite, making a joke out of it, or ignoring it, never works. It implies that their behavior is okay with you, and gives the bully ‘implied permission’ to carry on. Do whatever your gut is telling you to do in the moment. The bully WILL get the message.
