Finishing the stories with a “and they were happy and ate partridges” is very stimulating but does not fit reality.
It is not that a stable relationship cannot be happy, it cannot be happy all the time and nobody talks about the four crises that go through yes or yes all those couples that seem forever and that are in a stable relationship.
The first crisis: the crush is over
Do you remember how falling in love? That process in which your whole organism is disturbed and you become a person alienated from love.
As there is no human being that resists that state for a long time, falling in love passes and gives way, at best, to the love and consolidation of the relationship.
But before deciding whether or not you continue with that person who has just fallen off the pedestal where it was raised, the crisis occurs.
The first crisis And it happens between 6 months and the year of this romance that seemed endless. Because when you drop the bandage you discover a person of flesh and blood with more defects than you could imagine. Be careful, the same thing happens to your partner.
This first crisis occurs because of the tremendous blow you take against reality, but it can be easily overcome because there are still many forces of initial enthusiasm. So don’t worry. The most common is to decide to stay to discover more things of that reality.
The crisis of couple of 3 years
Throughout the relationship you will encounter more crisis. One of the most common is towards 3 years, although each couple has their times. By now you have overcome the downturn that gave you face to face with imperfect people. You have already decided that you want to move on and you will surely have taken another step in the relationship.
And that is when the coexistence comes to give a new twist and test your patience and your decisions. We are not going to deny that living together can wear down the love and also the security you had of having chosen the person with whom you want to share your life.
The result of this crisis is variable. Sometimes it can end in a couple breakup because in coexistence incompatibilities with their worst face are presented. But other times, love and future plans weigh more and you move on.
The crisis of the children
Not all couples have children, but many do. Starting a family remains one of those common projects that relationships have. The idea of being parents excites you both equally and you do not want to imagine the hurricane that involves the arrival of one or several children to the couple. But the hurricane arrives the same.
At first you don’t notice it because you are immersed in the baby’s care. Maybe another baby will arrive right away and you’re still in a maelstrom and worries where all that matters is your children. It is a little later when you look at each other and it turns out that you have become full-time parents and have forgotten your role as a couple.
The empty nest crisis
If you have overcome all the crises that have happened as a couple and have reached the crisis of the empty nest, congratulations! When children grow up and become independent, it is when you start to have more time for yourself. Some couples rediscover each other in absolute happiness that recalls the first times of falling in love.
But most relationships suffer a new crisis when facing years of living with a true stranger. Who is really that person who sleeps by your side? They have been so many years dedicated to being parents, that right now you are not able to recognize yourself as a couple.
Infertility couple crisis: when not having children, break your love
Not all relationships lead to a marriage and start a family, but it is true that having children is part of that common project of many of them. The arrival of that first baby is planned with love, but the plans do not always work out well and sometimes the pregnancy does not arrive. What does come is an infertility couple crisis, a crisis that occurs when not having children breaks your lover. How can it be overcome?
Infertility in the couple
Today, surprise, divine intervention, and nature’s decision are no longer expected. Today couples plan point by point when they want to start a family and when the children arrive. It is generally expected to have a more or less stable job, a solid relationship and a place to create the home and sometimes that wait takes its toll.
That women expect more to have children is a fact and a need marked by social and labor obligations. And as the years go by, even if you feel equally young, your fertility is decreasing. Things of nature, which follows its own rhythms and not that of the society in which we live.
But sometimes it’s not about waiting too long. Sometimes it is an infertility problem, by the woman or by the man. Less talk about it, but contemporary sperm are much more lazy than those of yesteryear. The error begins when you start looking for guilty partners.
The truth is that it is without reproach and without blame it is very discouraging to want to start a family and that the pregnancy does not arrive. Month after month your illusions crumble and that takes its toll in the form of emotional wear, stress and pressure that will only delay pregnancy.
The couple enters crisis due to disappointment. What if we can’t start a family? Do we make sense as a couple?
After the initial disappointment and after a year trying to have a baby by natural means, the couple begins to consider other alternatives. Fertility clinics open their doors to try to fulfill the dreams of all couples, but it is true that not everyone can afford the treatment. And neither manage the side effects of a fertility treatment. And much less manage possible disappointments.
The infertility couple crisis is based on uncertainty. Can we be parents someday? But it also puts one’s love in check. Is our love enough to stay together? It is inevitable to make them thinking that if you had another partner maybe you would get the dream of starting a family.
Overcome the infertility couple crisis
We are not going to fool ourselves. Many couples get pregnant when they have already given up. When they have already decided that their family plans do not work for them and have decided to create another type of future for them. It is then, when they no longer suffer the pressure, when they manage to have the baby. But many others never get it. What to do in these cases?
Realizing that you are never going to start a family with your partner can help strengthen the relationship, as with any other couple crisis. Now is the time to review how much and how you love each other, how important is the other in your lives. And it’s also time to test your ability to work in a team. Are you united enough to create new plans and new illusions?
It goes without saying that many times the couple cannot overcome this crisis due to infertility by their own means.
Frustration, disappointment and lack of communication can make your love story jump through the air. But remember that you can always count on the help of a couple therapy that guides you towards the true meaning of your relationship.