We all fear making wrong decisions, which is why most of the time we depend on other people on making those decisions. It’s hard not to seek the opinions of others when you’re poised to make a big decision. Whether you’re contemplating what career path to pursue or just debating what to wear Friday night, it’s always nice to have the approval of your friends, family, and co-workers.
But sometimes, the need for outside opinions can become too important, even paralyzing and can get in the way of your ability to make the best choices for you. While learning how to trust your intuition and decision-making skills isn’t always easy, it’s an important part of personal growth. So follow these tips, and learn how to feel confident in the choices you make—without requiring the stamp of approval from all of Facebook:
Listen to your instincts but don’t let them boss you around.
We evolved instincts for a reason – they work really well. Often, your very first impressions reveal your true preferences. This doesn’t mean you should rush to the first conclusion that crosses your mind, but do remember that seeking too many opinions on something—whether it’s a new haircut or a new job—can confuse what you originally wanted. To avoid over-complicating a situation, it’s helpful to step back, take a deep breath, and re-focus on what you felt when you initially started the decision-making process. Don’t fight it, but don’t simply stop there. Ask “why did I think that?” or “why do I feel that way?”
Establish a Circle of Trust
Instead of asking everyone from your brother to the barista for advice, make it a point to refer to a small, consistent group of trusted “advisors.” Choose friends, relatives, or co-workers who know you well and who can give unbiased recommendations without pressuring you or getting overly involved.
List your alternatives
The brain is the most powerful computer in existence, but it sucks at multitasking. It’s difficult to hold more than 7 different trains of thought in your mind at once, and impossible to concentrate on two of them simultaneously. Write down every option you have for the decision you’re making, get it out of your head and spend some quality time on each one.
Rephrase the question
You know what it takes to be a genius or a brilliant scientist? It’s not good grades and it’s not memorizing facts. It’s simply asking the right questions. Whatever problem you have, try writing it down in three or four different ways. Forcing yourself to think about the problem in different ways makes it easier to come up with different solutions.
Anticipate history
Our memory isn’t as good as we think it is, and hence, we don’t remember how bad it can be. It’s this selective memory that lets you remember who you talked to today, but not what you had for breakfast on Tuesday last week. Using history to make a decision requires that we remember what happened last time we were in a similar situation. Go slow and be critical with your recall – beware of only remembering your wins vs. your misses.
Remember that time is on your side
Distance gives perspective. It’s the oldest advice out there – separate yourself from the emotions of the moment. Unless you’re a character from Star Trek this is impossible to do instantly, so the next best thing is to put some time between now and when you actually make the decision.
Common knowledge isn’t
Spot those “taken for granted” moments and ask why that’s the case. Everyone knows that you shouldn’t swim after eating, but why is that? Is it actually true for everyone? What if you’re just wading in the water and you can stand easily enough? Question the assumptions you’re making and judge if they really apply to you.
Just make the decision
Are you deciding your career path or what brand of cereal to eat? Not all decisions are equal so don’t waste your time. You don’t need to follow steps 1 – 9 every breakfast time.
Make the decision concrete
You can endlessly re-analyze and agonize over what you’ve decided. You have to stop sometime. Make it real, write it down. Once your decision is out of your head and in the real world, your brain can stop constantly churning through the options and get on with the next task.
