The error is at the base, at the beginning. Do you remember when you first saw your in-laws? Surely you felt like in the final exams, playing everything to a single letter. And the pressure is not good, and the stress, either. So here are some tips:
1 Relax with your in-laws. Out pressure, stress outside and relax in the relationship with your in-laws. I’m sure it’s not as bad as bad language counts. You can have some details with them, as a gift or come to visit them by surprise, but the best way to have a good relationship is not to put on the defensive against possible intrusions of your in-laws and act with the most naturalness. Your in-laws are not the enemy.
2 Say yes and then do the opposite. It’s not worth discussing with your in-laws, so say yes, nod your head and let them know what you think, whether it’s a vacation together or a family meal. Then act accordingly and scrounge as best you can.
3 The problem of Sundays. We agree that Sunday is not the best day of the week so no one is going to eat at your house and less your in-laws. You want to rest from the weekend and start on Monday with peace of mind. Telling them not to come can be a bit strong, so directly make parallel plans of those that your partner can not refuse and … solved! It will be the one who gives them the news.
4 Take the reins. To prevent your in-laws from monopolizing your relationship and creating obligations you do not want to meet (like going to eat every Sunday at home), it is best that you invite them to your home. That way you manage the times and the spaces and, at the same time, they will feel welcomed.
5 No to war. You are not interested in an open war with your in-laws and your partner either. So what do you do getting into battles? Being happy as a couple is worth more than being above your in-laws or demonstrations of power. If you show yourself pacifist in the relationship with them, your war ceases to make sense.
6 Good vibes. So come in good vibes, which means that sometimes you will have to make concessions, such as celebrating your mother-in-law’s birthday or inviting them to snack one afternoon. You can even give up your Sunday session of sofa, blanket and movie to go to eat at home, but only one Sunday a month, no more.
7 Expectations. You can not create false expectations with your in-laws if you want the relationship to work. Your in-laws are the parents of your partner, they are important, they are family, but they do not have to become your best friends.
8 Reality. And do not forget reality. Practice empathy and think what you allow your parents. Your partner does the same and you have to respect him. And if the bad relationship gets out of hand, remember that the one who has to act is your partner, not you. Remind him, too, so he will not forget at any point that it’s about his parents