As I sit alone in the dark while my roommates are sleeping, I am thinking to myself that let me take my laptop and try to write something because I find healing in word which I compose but at most times I do not tend to write about what I do. I am still surprised that I am even writing this but I guess that’s how it is when a person is not inspired enough to write about the more important things.
As I am typing this piece of writing I am getting the idea or let me say feeling that I should be writing about something that affects me the most but as I am about to start putting my feelings and thoughts on the screen suddenly a call comes in as I turned to grab my phone immediately I see that it’s my girlfriend calling. I answered just by saying “hello” I immediately notice this sound of fear and sadness in her voice at that moment I knew that she was not fine as any other guy who loves his girlfriend would do I asked her if she is fine and she replied by saying “no baby I am not okay”, I asked her baby what’s wrong at first she did not want to tell me instead she said like always when the is something wrong “no baby it nothing”.
I wanted to let it go and not force her to tell me but I had this need that of wanting to know what is going on. She started by saying “youknow I almost broke someone’s windscreen” at that very moment I knew already that this person that she going to tell me about is that bloody ex-boyfriend of hers who used to make her feel unappreciated and not loved. I asked her what happened and she said “I was walking from the shop with my friend when he pulled over and came towards us and he started swearing at me and saying that I will never be safe” I did not ask her who this “he” is because I knew and did not feel that I was important.
I began to search my mind try to find the right words to say but for the first time I did not know what to say and that made me feel weak and helpless as if this bloody guy was consuming and disabling me from the things that I could say or think of doing. To think that I do not know this guy but already he has some sort of power over me, I was puzzled and amazed that this did not make me feel angry not having emotions of anger could this mean that my level of weakness was dropping to that extend that I felt like I am less of a man.
When she started to cry that’s when I felt like something within me is starting to snap. In that point I began to have ideas of what could and I must say those thoughts that I was having were not thoughts that I would normally have when I am angry. I began to ask myself the question of who am I and what am I coming to turn in to?, I did want to think any longer because I was scared of the answer that I would get if I was keep on thinking about it anymore than I have already.
It’s overwhelming how the things that happen to our loved ones can affect us and make us see the need of protecting them by thinking or doing things that we never thought that we are capable of. That’s why many of us tend to do stupid things that we will regret in the future just to protect their loved ones but I say do whatever that’s necessary to keep the ones you love safe even if it means regretting them for the rest of your life as long as you know that at least you did something.
