We are going to repeat it always, there are no mathematical formulas for love.
There is no manual, a step-by-step guide, or an encyclopedia that has the exact answers to interpersonal relationships to work. The only thing we can do is talk to you from our experience.
And based on that, we leave you 7 things that you should never tell your husband. If you avoid these phrases, and the situations that entail them, you will avoid unnecessary conflicts:
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“I had an orgasm” (when you did not have it)
Lying in and of itself is not a good idea, but much less when it comes to sexual matters. If you make it believe that you are really enjoying it when you do not, instead of making it feel good, you are pushing it away with your dishonesty.
The most likely thing is that he knows something is wrong and asks you why he is interested in solving it. Address the issue when you are not in bed, and talk about what you need to have sex. Avoid lying, always.
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“You are just like your father”
For nothing in the world you release such a phrase, no matter how much it seems to you. Expressing yourself like this has a negative connotation behind it, especially if there are present family traumas. None of us like to be compared with our parents, much less when it comes to pointing out defects.
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“When are you going to change jobs?”
Asking this kind of thing is giving your ego to direct hit. Remember that men are providers by nature and need their wife to admire them, and the work in which they develop is an important part of who they are. Even if you know that he does not like his job, and that would be better elsewhere, let him make the decision.
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“My mom warned me that you would do this”
There is a reason why sons-in-law fear mothers-in-law. If you put your mother and his advice in a discussion, you are letting him know that you discuss your marriage situations with her, and above all, that you listen to her advice beyond an orientation. You let it be known that your mom has predicted about his behavior, based on what you have told him, and what is worse, that you were also waiting for her to do that.
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“Leave it, I’ll do it”
Between this and kicking your pride there is no difference. First, you are hitting your natural instinct to be a provider, to take care of yourself and that person makes you feel safe. The man is the one who solves the problems, the one who confronts them.
And second, no one likes to be told that we are not capable of doing something, regardless of gender. None of us like to feel useless. We know that there are times when you will feel the need to remove the clamp from your hands and do it yourself, but choose your battles carefully. If you think it is crucial that you do it, then put that battle, if you can continue living with what he is doing, better let him finish.
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“You always ______” or “You never ___________”
From the outset, the words “always” and “never” are decisive. There is nothing in this world that is forever, or something that has never been. Avoid them! The other becomes defensive because they have a negative connotation and are an attack based on a lie. Avoid generalizing and concentrate your discussions on a valid argument, that is, in “yesterday you left the shirt on the floor” instead of “you always leave the shirts on the floor”.
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“Shall we go out with him again?”
Here’s a fact: you do not have to like your husband’s friends. Just like you do not have to like all your friends, it is not a rule that when you marry all the people you surround yourself with you like.
What is wrong is to question your choice of people. Just as you have your reasons to continue dating that friend who always tells you that they are not worth it, you have decided to keep this or that person in his life. And fundamental part of a relationship is respect for the decisions of the other.
If you do not like your friend, do not go out with him! But for nothing in the world, criticize your partner when you decide to do it.
