Starting a family is the dream of many relationships. And it seems that everyone knows what it means to have children, but it is seen that surprise comes the same.
Because having children changes your life and also your life as a couple to points you never suspected.
Perhaps the real reasons why many couples separate when they have children are found in this radical transformation
What do the children assume in the couple
Some come by surprise, but in most cases couples have children after a time of relationship and another of reflection. It seems that they have everything well thought out and organized and, above all, they are so excited about the arrival of the baby that it seems they can with everything.
Then reality is sometimes not as pretty as you imagined,
right?
Or it may be even better than you expected, what is clear is that it will be different. Having children changes your life and most of those changes you can’t plan ahead of time. By common sense and from what you have heard from your friends you can mentally prepare yourself for sleepless nights, months of worries, juggling to reconcile work and family life and say goodbye to your leisure and rest.
Life changes with children, priorities change with children and they become the center of your world. And what happened to the individual person you are? And what happened to the relationship, the same one with which you decided to start a family? Everything is blurred, everything goes to the background because now there is a priority capable of eating all the others: children.
With this panorama we do not want to discourage anyone when it comes to starting a family. Without a doubt, having children is something wonderful and that brings many positive things to your life, perhaps the most positive.
But it is undeniable that life as a couple suffers for a while and that if you are not careful, you can break up.
This is how the life of couples changes with the arrival of
children
Children arrive and you as a couple are still excited. But attention falls, obviously, on the baby or the children. All the attention, all the time, all the resources, all the thoughts are about the baby. You and your partner are disappearing to become a father and mother.
Now we have to look for a babysitter to take care of the children, we must also look for nursery, the best school, go to the pediatrician regularly. The invoices multiply, although you had already counted on that, right? But it is not the same to imagine that to face it. And the unforeseen. And meanwhile, where was the relationship?
When we talk about the changes that occur in the couple with the arrival of the children we always think about sex. And it is true. This aspect of intimate life is forgotten or, at least, postponed, until a better moment is found. And as you neglect, that best time will not come until your children go to University.
But it’s not just about couple sex. How do you see life now that you have children? It has changed your vital perspective, right? You have also changed, your partner has also changed, you are not the same. And that is not a problem or it shouldn’t be if the change is made in the same direction, but there are no guarantees.
If having children changes your life, it also changes your way of being. And we get to the point where one day you have a moment free of diapers, tears, homework or toys, you look at your partner and ask yourself, who is it? You don’t know him anymore. And the same thing happens to him. Crisis or break? Now you can’t stop to think about yourself, that the baby has started crying.
Reasons for divorce when having children
That separation or divorce does not occur in all couples, some relationships become stronger with the arrival of children and this also influences the reasons why you have decided to start a family. But let’s talk about the reasons for separation when having children, the most frequent:
The postpartum
depression
Luckily, many women already dare to talk about this disorder as often as previously invisible, which facilitates treatment.
Postpartum depression is more common than previously thought and, as in all cases of depression, coexistence is not easy. Much more complicated, if your partner does not know what is happening to you or is not able to recognize that you need help.
Jealousy of the
father.
It seems a myth, but it is not. The mother focuses entirely on the baby or the children and the father is in the background.
Who cares for dad’s needs? Your partner is no longer there to assist you, which is dedicated to children and that can create ongoing jealousy and discussions.
The father sometimes feels excluded from the family union, especially in the first months of the baby’s life.
Lack of
communication.
There is no time for anything with the arrival of the children. Responsibilities and obligations multiply and you no longer speak of your illusions, of your disappointments, of your projects.
Now the conversations as a couple focus on bills, care, time organization and decision making regarding children.
Lack of sex.
If there is no time to talk much less there is time for sex.
The intimate life of the couple is reduced considerably to zero in some cases and that affects, of course, the future of the relationship. It may be temporary, until you adapt to the changes, but many couples consider intimate life a secondary aspect and are neglected for all eternity.
Family life surpasses
you.
We have already warned that it is not possible to fully imagine how life changes with the arrival of children. Being more in the family, economic needs increase and, is it possible to work more when what you need is more time to take care of children?
With the conciliation we have come across, something that on paper seems easy but that in reality can overcome you.
You are no longer the
same.
Many couples overcome the problems mentioned above, but they also separate. As we say, life changes with your children and you too. And like any relationship, one day you discover that the person you live with is not the same as the one you fell in love with, that you barely know her and why not? He is no longer the person you want to spend the rest of your life with .
But let’s not be alarmed. Because before all this happens or while it is happening, you can ask for help.
The couples therapy can save a relationship in crisis and most importantly, can help you enjoy even more of the family you have created.
